An Act of Love

An Act of Love.

There are many, too many, people I know right now who are trying to navigate unhealthy and dangerous relationship dynamics. We’ve talked because I have survived an emotional and physical abuser, and friends who have reached out want guidance.

Critical First Step: Learn how to have and hold healthy boundaries. (aka get your own individual therapy)

Holding safe and healthy boundaries for yourself when you are in an abusive relationship is NOT hurting the other person. It is, in fact, an act of love. You are simultaneously advocating for your own safety (emotional and physical) AND holding the other person accountable for their behavior and actions.

Step away. Stop engaging the other. This will stop you from acting on your bad or dangerous habits and it stops you from receiving theirs.

Too often we are taught to fix things when our partner lashes out or hurts us, because maybe if we change then they’ll get better or treat us better. That is unhealthy, codependent, and wrong.

How you can change your behavior is to learn how to not take on responsibility for someone else’s behavior. Be responsible for yourself, your actions, and reactions. Learn about boundaries – how we crash them or let others crash ours.

It is ok to let something bad die to make room for something good to grow. I hear that you’re afraid of losing a marriage or business partnership or friend. Change can be scary and difficult. And it is so worth it.

Holding others responsible for their behavior and actions is an act of love for that person. You are giving them the gift of self actualization, responsibility, and existing in a way that they choose.